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  • The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  • You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  • You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  • You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
  • Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
  • You wonder how service stations keep heir restrooms so clean.
  • Anyone in your family died after saying 'Hey, y'all watch this'
  • You've got more than one brother named Darryl.
  • You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  • Your wife's hairdo was ruined by a ceiling fan.
  • You go to a family reunion looking for a date.
  • Your Junior/Senior Prom has a Daycare.
  • You think the last words of The Star Spangle Banner are Gentlemen Start Your Engines.
  • You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
  • Your had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
  • The bluebook value of your pickup truck goes up and down, depending on the amound of gas it has in it.
  • You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
  • One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  • Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
  • You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
  • You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
  • Ya can't get married to your sweetheart cause theres a law against it.
  • You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
  • You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
  • Your schoo fight song is Dueling Banjos.'
  • Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.


    The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood." "This will be noted." Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."