YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK
1-More than one living relative is named
a Southern Civil War general.
2-You think the stock market has a fence
3-You think the O.J. trial was the big
Minutemaid taste test.
4-You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
5-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15
6-Your front porch collapses and kills more
7-You've ever used lard in bed.
8-Your coffee table used to be a telephone
9-You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen
10-You've ever used a toilet seat as a
11-Your home has more miles on it than your
12-Your Christmas tree is still up in
13-You've ever been arrested for loitering.
14-There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your
15-You hammer bottle caps into the frame of
front door to make it look nice.
16-You own a homemade fur coat.
17-Your wife can climb a tree faster than
18-Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas
19-You've totaled every car you've ever
20-There are more than five McDonald's bags
currently on the floorboard of your car.
21-Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
22-There is a wasp nest in your living room.
23-The Home Shopping Channel operator
24-There has ever been crime-scene tape on
25-You burn your front yard rather than mow
You may be a Redneck Jedi if......
1)You ever heard the phrase, "May the force
2) Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3) You have ever used your light saber to
bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad
4) At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer
5) You have bantha horns on the front of your
6) You can easily describe the taste of an
7) You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks
8) The worst part of spending time on Dagobah
9) Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10) You have ever used the force to get
another beer so you didn't have to wait for a
11) You have ever used the force in
12) Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot,
come on over to the darkside... it'll be a hoot."
13) You have ever had your R-2 unit use its
self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the
grill to light.
14) You have a confederate flag painted on
of your landspeeder.
15) You think Han Solo would look better in
cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
16) You ever fantasized about Princess Leia
Daisy Duke shorts.
17) You have the doors of your X-wing welded
and you have to slide in through the window.
18) Although you had to kill him, you kinda
that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on
treat his women.
19) You ever fell in love with your sister.
20) You have ever referred to Darth Vader's
empire as "themdamn Yankees."
21) You have a cousin who bears a strong
22) You suggested that they outfit the
Falcon with a redwood deck.
23) You were the only person drinking Jack
on the rocks during the cantina scene.
24) In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow
25) You have a decal on the back of your land
speeder that features Yoda whizzing on the No.
26) You get written up by Imperial troops for
27) Those things on the side of Princess
sure do look like Honey Buns to you.
28) The hyper-drive on your ship
navigate you from any point in the galaxy to
29) That part where Luke gets a new robot
pretty neat, but couldn't it come with a socket
30) You keep hollering for the cantina band
31) You're pretty sure Emperor Pallatine
last two minutes against Stone Cold Steve Austin.
by Jeff Foxworthy