Make your own free website on Tripod.com
JEFF FOXWORTHY

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK


1-More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
2-You think the stock market has a fence around it.
3-You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
4-You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
5-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
6-Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
7-You've ever used lard in bed.
8-Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
9-You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
10-You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
11-Your home has more miles on it than your car.
12-Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
13-You've ever been arrested for loitering.
14-There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
15-You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
16-You own a homemade fur coat.
17-Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
18-Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
19-You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
20-There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
21-Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
22-There is a wasp nest in your living room.
23-The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
24-There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
25-You burn your front yard rather than mow it You may be a Redneck Jedi if......
1)You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2) Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3) You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.
4) At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5) You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
6) You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
7) You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8) The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
9) Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10) You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
11) You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12) Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside... it'll be a hoot."
13) You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14) You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
15) You think Han Solo would look better in flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
16) You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
17) You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to slide in through the window.
18) Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
19) You ever fell in love with your sister.
20) You have ever referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "themdamn Yankees."
21) You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
22) You suggested that they outfit the Millenium Falcon with a redwood deck.
23) You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
24) In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow "just ain't right."
25) You have a decal on the back of your land speeder that features Yoda whizzing on the No. 24.
26) You get written up by Imperial troops for night-shooting Ewoks.
27) Those things on the side of Princess Leah's head sure do look like Honey Buns to you.
28) The hyper-drive on your ship automatically can navigate you from any point in the galaxy to South of the Border.
29) That part where Luke gets a new robot hand was pretty neat, but couldn't it come with a socket wrench?
30) You keep hollering for the cantina band to play Freebird.
31) You're pretty sure Emperor Pallatine wouldn't last two minutes against Stone Cold Steve Austin. by Jeff Foxworthy

JOKE

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood." "This will be noted." Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Tripod Error [an error occurred while processing this directive]

404 - Page Not Found


Sorry, but the page or the file that you're looking for is not here.

Sponsors

Magic 21

Magic 21 -
Free card game. For each "21" you make, you could win up to $4,999 in cash! Go try your hand  »



[an error occurred while processing this directive] <

GO BACK
ANYTHING WEBTV WEBRING

Join
Next Site
Random
List Sites
Next 5
Samm